I really, really didn’t want to dump him – 5th May 2002

Sunday 5th  Since I last wrote in here, quite a bit has happened. On 25th April, my flatmate Layla went out for her birthday. She had a large gathering at the flat first before we all made our way into town. I hung round with Violet, Ronan, Vi’s mate Jo and his coursemate Max cos we didn’t really know many of Layla’s friends and some were pretty slapperish and annoying.

Jonas was supposed to meet me at some point but the first time I phoned him he was still in Sharkey’s with his mate Mitch so I went on ahead to Bar Non. At about midnight, I got a voicemail message from Jonas saying a drunken, “I love you!” and stuff with Mitch in the background but when I tried to ring him back, I kept getting his answer service. I kept trying but couldn’t get hold of him so I went back to Storthes without him.

I was a bit worried when I got back about where he’d got to but I eventually managed to get through and he just said, “Hello?” in a really dozy way before it cut off. I thought I’d woken him up at first but then I got another 2 voicemails saying, “I won’t to be able to stay with you, sorry.” I could tell he was crying so I was very, very worried and upset.

The only thing I could think of as to why he hadn’t met me or answered his phone and sounded upset was that he’d snogged someone else cos he was drunk. I couldn’t really believe he’d do that but then I couldn’t think of another explanation. Him being hurt didn’t cross my mind but then I thought he would’ve told me. However, I was wrong.

After sitting on my floor in tears, throwing my phone about in frustration and even trying to ring his housemate Russell, Jonas eventually sent me a text saying, “I’M IN HOSPITAL GETTING MY HEAD CHECKED” and that was it. My immediate reaction was relief cos he hadn’t cheated on me, then guilt for even considering that he had and then panic again cos I didn’t know what had happened to him. Before the text, I’d be worrying about what to do if he told me he’d snogged a girl. I really, really didn’t want to dump him but I thought I’d have to and that really upset me cos I didn’t want to be without him.

I eventually got a phone call from Jonas saying he’d been beaten up. He sounded very upset so that made me cry even more. He said he’d see me tomorrow and explain but I really couldn’t sleep for tears and worrying.

The next day after much more worrying, I got to see Jonas when he came round. He was all cut and bruised and very tired and a bit confused. He told me it was 5 lads that did it. He’d been in Warehouse and dancing a lot and apparently girls were watching him so some bloke shoved him and he shoved back. They got chucked out but the bouncers gave Mitch and Jonas a head start. The lad and his mates managed to catch up with them by the new Kingsgate Centre and Jonas pinned one down and said he didn’t want a fight.

The lad was obviously embarrassed by being overpowered by someone wearing a “I’m not a bitch, I’m THE Bitch and that’s Miss Bitch to you” t-shirt so he fought anyway. Jonas ended up being kicked in the head for about 5 minutes but luckily it was all on security camera and the police turned up and arrested 3 of the lads. I’m sooo glad he’s alright cos even the police said it looked really nasty. He was lucky. Mind you, even with head injuries we got to level 5!

That weekend I was with Jonas all the time. We watched the F1 together and went to the Arb with Archie and his brother. We also got to level 5 twice in the same night.

The next time I went to Bar Non was a better night than the previous time. It didn’t take much though! Archie was trying to pull a girl called Natalie but was let down and was upset about it. I got dragged round by Hazel all night trying to find some lad called Simon. We eventually did and he lives with Bronwen’s brother at Primrose Hill. Bronwen’s bro (Tom, I think) tried to get me to go back to his house but, obviously, I refused. I had a few lads pinching my arse too. I wanted Jonas there.

I was going to go to a Mansun gig with Jonas in Manchester but I couldn’t in the end cos Pierced Sam was taking his girlfriend instead. Jonas brought be back a t-shirt though which was sweet. 🙂

I had a worry about me and Jonas again while I was watching Teachers because someone said if you have to ask if it’s ok, it might not be. However, I then realised I was just being stupid and insecure because I do love him and I don’t want to be without him. I’ve been through reasons about Easter and I think my brain might just be preparing me for the worst, just in case something happens e.g. an “Emma” and he goes off me. I’ve got to trust he won’t though cos I know he loves me and he’s not Jake, thankfully, cos everything went wrong with him. I prefer Jonas too!

I went to Gainsborough with Jonas today so he could clear his dad’s garage out. I actually enjoyed it quite a lot. We talked about my year work experience and Jonas said he’ll come with me for it if it’s far away 🙂 but he said it’d be awful not living together when we got back. True. I hope we’re still together then, I really do.

Bye!

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