I’m in a state of shock! – 18th August 2001

Saturday 18th Jake and I have split up. I can’t quite believe it actually. I think it’s going to take a while to sink in.

It happened this morning over the phone. We had a very long and upsetting talk about it and both cried. He said he doesn’t want to get to uni and then split up cos we won’t have our friends for support. Also, he said he loves me in a different way and it’s not the same as when we first got together. I kind of agree with that cos we don’t get as excited about seeing each other as we used to but then it’s still nice. Surely it’s normal to feel like that once you’ve been with someone for a long time though.

He said he used to really miss me when we were apart but when I was in Scotland and Germany, he didn’t really bother as much. He also said Barcelona wasn’t as good as he expected cos we fell out on the first night. He said I wasn’t very “adventurous” cos I wanted to get back to the hotel. I actually just didn’t want to get mugged/murdered after hearing it wasn’t that safe at night.

It was a mutual decision I suppose but he definitely wanted it more than I did and said it wouldn’t be fair on either of us to drag it out. I agreed with the reasoning, especially the uni bit because it does make some sense but it isn’t really what I want.

I’m sort of relieved in a way that it’s over because otherwise I’d just be waiting for it to happen and I wouldn’t be as happy as I used to be when I felt secure with him. I suppose he can’t help going off me. I bet he goes after Emma now!

I’m glad we haven’t fallen out. We’ve agreed that we’re best friends so we can’t just stop seeing each other. He said we can still have hugs. That’s good because I’m going to need hugs!

He said “I love you” before he hung up which was nice to hear. He said he does still love me but it’s a different kind of love, whatever that means. I think I know what he’s on about cos I think I feel the same in a way. I’m not sure though. I’m confused. I don’t know how I’m feeling or what to think. I’m not really too upset but then it’s not really registered yet. I’m in a state of shock!

As long as I still see him that’s okay. What I’m worried about is him getting another girlfriend. I can’t stand the thought of it! I suppose I can always remember the fact that I had him first! 🙂

I went round to his house this afternoon. We both got upset so we just hugged a lot. He still kept telling me he loves me too. We also did The Run [a pub crawl] tonight. I told Cat and she was really nice about it. Jake and I still held hands and hugged and pecked each other kisses on the lips and said we loved each other.

I really can’t believe all this has happened. I’ll probably never find anyone else like him. 😦


4 thoughts on “I’m in a state of shock! – 18th August 2001

  1. Also very invested! A thousand cats sounds like a great set up tbh but poor 2001 Jess (and Jake, at least poor Jake at this stage. Let’s see what’s up with Emma first). These early teens break ups are so overwhelming.


    • Ah, a thousand cats – the dream! Only another 998 to go. I remember it being totally overwhelming but also a big weight off my mind because the bad thing had happened and it had actually been worse waiting for it. So far at least. I can’t actually remember what went on over the next few weeks. My memory is rubbish hence writing EVERYTHING down!


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