Dogs and spandex and cheese-eating elephants – 22nd July 2000

Sunday 22nd As soon as I went down for breakfast this morning, Mr P started saying stuff to his brother about me really deliberately loudly, like, “Ooh, watch out! Tessa is here!” Tosser! I was still incredibly angry with him after his comments last night so I had to go up to my room cos I didn’t want him to see me get upset again.

We had loads of time before setting off for the concert so that have me time to calm down and shoot a few evil glances in the direction of the most annoying teachers!

The concert was in a place called Bad Bertrich and it was way too hot. We were allowed to wear shorts instead of black trousers with our yellow t-shirts to keep us a bit cooler. It didn’t really help that much though cos we weren’t under any cover at all. We could feel ourselves cooking and our instruments melting as we played!

This evening, they took us on the coach to some town so we could eat pizza and drink in a variety of bars instead of just the one at the hostel. I hung round with Cat, Lizzie, Isaac and Denny. To start with, we went for a pizza and Denny nearly burned the place down by sticking a napkin in the candle flame then trying to blow it out but instead blew it onto Isaac’s lap! We managed to extinguish the flame before too much damage was caused!

After the pizza we let the drinking commence and had many interesting conversations with additions from Denny about dogs and spandex and cheese-eating elephants. Hmmm. We were all pissed but it was a nice, happy, giggly, singing sort of pissed.

Due to the alcohol, 3 songs have emerged which will forever remind us of this holiday. These are:

Help! I’m A Fish by the Little Trees

The theme tune from Maid Marian And Her Merry Men off CBBC

I Wanna Fuck A Dog In The Ass by Blink 182

When we got back to the hostel, we made use of the bar there. I had much fun sat on the table next to the teachers, drinking wine and composing and singing our own lyrics to the tune of the Maid Marian song. The song was written with Mr P in mind, by the way. Not that he got to hear it cos every time I began to sing, Cat and Gethin clapped their hands over my mouth. There’s also various other crap written on the bag, all of which makes no sense to me now but perhaps did at the time!

I’ll rewrite the song in here. It goes:
(*I’ll include the variations)

Why don’t you stick your head
Up Mr P-R’s/your brother’s arse
Why don’t you just admit
That you are really shit
*Why don’t you fuck your mum
With children’s bubble gum
Ohh music man
Ohh music man

*Why don’t you feed your mum
With lots of Pedigree Chum… etc.

Just to explain, the part about children’s bubble gum came about because of this:

When it had the gum in it, it looked a bit like a packet with a condom in it and in the song we were suggesting that MR P would have to use children’s size protection due to the small size of his penis. Get it?! Ok, I know it’s all a bit sick but we were pissed.

Also, on the back of the bag is Denny’s insult of the holiday. It goes you dodgy, dirty, fat, German, ming, mama, cheesy, dog fucker.

Anyway, later on this evening, Cat and Lizzie fell out for some reason. People also found it amusing when Lizzie was leaning on Daniel and he said, “I’m not a fucking pillow, you know!” So, because Lizzie and Cat were upset, Mrs P-Y and Miss M came to our room to see if they were ok but ended up talking to me about Mr P and Mr P-R. They were being really nice about it (must have been the alcohol!) and were saying how the men were out of line and that if it was any consolation, they’d been mean to Miss M too. That did make me feel a bit better actually!

Bye!

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