Friday 8th Jake phoned me this afternoon to tell me that he, his brother and his dad had been looking for cars this morning. They’ve found a sort of metallic yellow (yuck!) Fiat Punto at some place in Warrington and his brother was going back to test drive it at some point today. Jake says it’s a really nice one so hopefully they’ll get it.
However, when he got to my house later on, Jake was less pleased cos it’ll be really expensive to insure him and his bro on it so he might not be allowed to drive it because he’s going to be at uni in a few months’ time. He’s just going to have to wait and see. He wants his Beetle back most though. That’d be cool!
A few of us including Michael Amhurst did The Run pub crawl tonight. Cat told me something in The Woodman which I’d probably have been better off not hearing. Someone’s dog was sniffing round Jake when he was at the bar and Cat said, “He seems to attract dogs, doesn’t he?!” She meant that literally cos her dog also took quite a fancy to him but she realised it could’ve sounded a bit insulting towards me. I laughed and said, “Well, he did attract Zoe!” I named a few others that liked him as well and then Cat said, “Ooh and Suzanna” when I’d finished the list.
Suzanna is a friend of Emma’s and she’s well known for her slapperish tendencies but many lads so seem to think she’s nice looking. Cat obviously assumed I knew about the Suzanna thing but I didn’t so she told me.
Apparently when Suzanna came on The Run with us a while ago she wasn’t with her boyfriend and she started saying to Emma how nice she thought Jake was. Emma told her that she’d better not dare flirt with him cos she was obviously intending to. What really pisses me off is that I was sat next to him and it’s obvious we’re a couple. Who knows what she’d have tried if Emma and I hadn’t been there. Bitch!
I trust Jake not to do anything but I still don’t like the fact that everyone seems to fancy him. It never happens the other way round. Cat and Sarah said I should be flattered that so many people fancy him but it just worries me. I’m so scared that one day someone will like him and will eventually get him to like her back and he’ll gradually go off me and I’ll lose him.
The thing is that (even if he won’t admit it) he could have pretty much anyone and that makes me feel really insecure cos there’s probably so many people better than me.
He also said (when I asked him!) that if my legs fell off or something he wouldn’t like me quite as much. What if that happens now?! I don’t want him to run off with someone who has got legs!
Anyway, when I got back to mine with Jake he realised I was being quiet and I eventually told him about Suzanna. He couldn’t stop smiling. It’s probably just cos he’s flattered like anyone would be but I didn’t like it. I told him my worry that he might find someone he likes more than me and he said that I don’t have to worry because he loves me and doesn’t ever want anyone else. Good! 🙂
I still wasn’t feeling particularly happy though because I don’t like loads of people fancying him and no-one even looking twice at me. I mean, I don’t want him to look any different cos he’s really nice but people still obviously want to go for him even though they know he’s got a girlfriend. Grrr!! I don’t like the thought of people thinking about him like that cos he’s MINE!!
So, I told him some stuff like that to try and explain what was up with me and I could just see his head expanding. He didn’t mean it though and did seem to understand but I suppose he can’t help it.
I can just imagine people seeing us and thinking, “Urgh! How did dhe get him?!” I think that about people (mean, I know!) so I’m sure others think it too. Maybe they don’t, I don’t know. I’m probably just putting myself down too much but it doesn’t half lower my self-esteem hearing loads of people fancy him and he can’t say, “Well, such and such likes you so you can’t complain!” or anything. Oh well.
The subject of skiing got mentioned too and I commented how I could never afford to do anything like that. He was already pissed off about the Suzanna thing cos he said it upsets him to see me upset and then he just burst into tears. I didn’t mean to upset him but some really evil streak in me was quite pleased because I wasn’t particularly upset and he was and I thought I must have bothered him so he must care.
Then I realised why he was probably sooo upset. It’s a year ago today when his mum died. I did know because it’s hardly the sort of thing to forget cos it was awful at the time but I really should’ve watched what I said, especially about skiing because she wanted him to go. I feel so guilty now. He did calm down after a hug but I felt so bad.
He didn’t actually say that’s what was wrong until he got home and sent me a text message explaining that’s why he got so upset but said I shouldn’t feel bad about it. But I do.