How far did she think that was going to go??! – 30th January 2001

Tuesday 30th
9 weeks + 2 days to go!

I have had such a bad day today! Nothing majorly terrible went wrong, it’s just been loads of little things that have built up over the day and have finally reduced me to tears this evening.

I mean, the main reason I’m not as happy as I could be at the moment is, obviously, that Jake’s so far away for so long.

Then on top of that, our holiday plans fell through but I suppose we are still going anyway, as long as he gets back alive and in one piece and I stay alive and in one piece!

Then there have been all these other people pairing off (e.g. Dec and Lizzie) and normally I’d be happy for them (I am really) but it does sort of keep reminding me of the fact I’m on my own.

Anyway, today seemed to start okay apart from the rain but once I got to college, I didn’t know what to say to Sarah and it was a bit awkward at first until the subject of her not telling Cat about Barcelona came up. Then I just found myself getting annoyed with her which made matters worse cos she then started apologising loads which just irritated me even more!

Then Rachael Hollins started telling us about the latest Hayley stuff with her (she hates Rach now too!) and Sarah started saying how she knows Hayley’s a pain and that Hayley’s been a bitch to her too but it’s just “easier” to be nice to her. That annoyed me too cos people being soft is what Hayley relies on to keep herself in with groups of people. I mean, I know Sarah can’t help being nice, and that’s a good thing, but I can see her letting Hayley become a good friend again and then sooner or later falling out with her and getting upset all over again. Hayley’s not worth that!

The next thing to annoy me was Cat when we were checking our e-mails. I had one and she didn’t so she sat looking over my shoulder saying how unfair it is that I get e-mails nearly every day, and long ones at that, and nobody else gets any. Why shouldn’t I?! She makes me feel guilty though cos I know how I’d feel if it was the other way round but then would she be bothered about me like that?

Next thing to happen was in McDonald’s. I bought a supersize meal with tonnes of chips, only to discover after I’d paid that there was no barbeque sauce! So, instead, the stroppy bitch behind the counter gave me ONE crappy little sachet of ketchup!

How far did she think that was going to go??!

I asked for some more so she gave me about 15 of them! Stupid cow! Not only is it cheap, crappy ketchup but it’s not even in little pots anymore so you have to squeeze it onto something in order to dip your chips in it!

Then, in the car on the way back, Lizzie bloody Bond squirted the contents of her inhaler into my left eye! It wasn’t like it was an accident either! She’s been pissing about with it for ages and then did that to gain a bit of attention, I suppose! Well, she got some bloody attention alright! I didn’t know I had it in me to growl “WHAT?!?” so loudly when she asked me some inane question about something outside the car!

When we got back to college, I then had the ‘pleasure’ of being forced to watch Lizwad and Declan slobbering all over each other! She drags him over to where there’s a large group of people so they can snog and stuff, rather than move to a quiet corner. It’s just to show each other off and rub it in a bit more!

Not only that but when Dec was over the other side of the room, Lizwad was sat all over Gethin then Karen then Dougie and then Robbie Taylor, even when he was sat next to Emma!

The day at college was almost over when I made the mistake of saying my watch strap smells of Jake (I sprayed I with his aftershave!) to Sarah. If she’d have rolled her eyes any more, they’d have disappeared into the back of her head forever!

I couldn’t believe it! I mention him once and I get a reaction like that after I’ve sat through hours of her going on + on + on + on + on + on + on about her ‘Mazzles’! I did have a bit of a go at her and then went quiet before getting “Ooooh, moody!” off bloody Cat! Oh, and she never goes on about Mr L, does she?! Hah, like fuck she doesn’t! Cat is also pretty well known for her mood swings so has no right to call me moody!

After college, I had to put up with Swing Band. Mr P had a go at me and Emma for chatting and then we played the crappest tunes we’ve got!

I mentioned to Emma about everyone’s parents going away in the summer and as soon as I said they Taylor’s dad’s going away, she mumbled something and smiled oddly and then wouldn’t tell me what she said. So, a nice bit of paranoia to end my day at school!

I then tried to tell Cat about Maeve Ackerley getting on my nerves by showing off by playing her flute with one hand and stuff, only to see Maeve stood in close proximity!

I then tried to tell my sister how, for some reason, everyone’s been irritating me today and she said really nastily,” Well, everyone pisses you off!” Bitch!

When I got home, I was just waiting for a phone call from Jake when Abby decided to go on the internet. She wasn’t even doing anything important, just chatting to someone. I was pleading with her to go offline so Jake could phone but she dug her heels in and said she’d only be longer if I didn’t go away.

That upset me cos I really needed to speak to Jake after such a crap day and Mum saw us arguing, told us we’d better have sorted it out by the time Dad got home cos he’s had some bad news, slammed the door and took Mollie out for a walk. Great, bad news!

Jake did phone at about 4:45pm but I spent most of the phone conversation crying down the phone at him saying what a rotten day I’ve had! As usual, he didn’t have much to tell me so we got onto the subject of holidays which cheered me up quite a bit! I love him so much! He can usually make me feel better and he actually listens to me… not that he’s got much choice, I suppose!

I was fine until later on when Mum depressed me again. First of all she started talking about those doctors who’ve taken babies organs and said Grandma L says it’s not as bad as when she was a nurse cos if a baby was born disabled, they just let it die and other awful things like that. She said Grandma didn’t realise how awful it was for families until Auntie S had Iain, who was still born. That upset me to hear all that.

Then, Mum told me that bad news that Dad got. Apparently we owe LOADS of tax (I don’t really understand) and we have no money at all. This has now worried me cos how am I going to go to uni? I know there are ways but I don’t understand money stuff. Mum and Dad also want to pay for my driving lessons too but what with?

Right, that’s about it, I think! My arm’s aching from writing now! I don’t know what’s been up with me today really. Stuff that wouldn’t normally bother me has really got to me instead. Oh well, I’m going to bed!

Bye!

Today’s emails →

30-01-01 Jake email30-01-01 Tess email

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