Monday 14th Gethin and I went round to Jake’s today and it turned out to be a horrible day cos Jake and I fell out.
It started when we all went for a walk and then Jake mentioned that he’s going to the Trafford Centre with Hugo tomorrow night. I was a bit pissed off about that cos he’s going to be with Hugo for 2 whole weeks on that cruise plus he’d told me he didn’t really want to see Hugo cos he’d rather spend time with me so he was going to cancel it last week. He did say I could go but I got the impression he only asked to keep the peace rather than cos he actually wanted me to go. Because I was so pissed off, I went all stubborn and said I didn’t really want to go.
Fine, until he asked Gethin. I think it was to try and get at me and it worked! After that, I went all quiet and Jake noticed but I denied sulking! But when we got back to his house he wandered off and left Gethin and me in the living room watching MTV and stuff. (I noticed some really nice family photos while I was in there.)
Then the phone rang. It was Hugo so it worried me greatly when Jake locked himself in the bathroom with the phone!
When Robbie and Clara and her Swedish friend Sandra came home, Gethin decided to cook so I decided to leave and go for a McDonald’s! Gethin had noticed the tension and persuaded Jake to go with me. It was really awkward at first but we both ended up apologising for being moody.
Then when I got home we started texting each other. I sent the 1st one, just apologising and he said, “I’M SORRY TOO! I UNDERSTAND GIRLS HAVE THEIR MOODS! JUST I DIDN’T KNOW IF YOU WERE IN A MOOD WITH ME! WHAT MAKES IT WORSE IS THAT GETHIN IS ALWAYS HAPPY AND TRIES TO CHEER US UP! IT WAS HORRIBLE COS I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY COS I DIDN’T KNOW HOW YOU WOULD REACT! I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH AND DON’T WANT TO LEAVE YOU FOR 2 WEEKS – ESPECIALLY IF WE’V E FALLEN OUT – IT WOULD RUIN MY HOLIDAY COS I WOULD FEEL SO GUILTY (NOT THAT I WON’T ANYWAY)! I WANT TO TRY AND ENJOY THESE LAST FEW DAYS! X”.
Everything was fine until I got the next message saying, “WELL ACTUALLY – YOU HAVE BEEN HITTING ME QUITE A LOT RECENTLY – I THOUGH IT WAS BY ACCIDENT! : ) LOOK – YOU’RE NOT BAD AT ALL! AND I LOVE YOU TO BITS – YOU KNOW THAT! EVERYONE’S ALLOWED TO HAVE THEIR MOODS – SO WE MIGHT AS WELL HAVE THEM AT THE SAME TIME! ALTHOUGH IT DOES REALLY UPSET ME WHEN YOU’RE LIKE THAT! : ( THAT’S WHY I LEFT THE ROOM! : ( YOU’VE GOT TO BE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW WHO CAN BE SOOO HAPPY AND SMILEY ONE MINUTE AND THEN SO MOODY THE NEXT! DON’T TAKE THAT AS AN INSULT. I’M ONLY SAYING WHAT I THINK! I’LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, NO MATTER WHAT!… BUT I DO LIKE ‘HAPPY TESSA’ MUCH MORE! LOTS OF LOVE!!! xJx”.
The problem was that I did take that as an insult and I told him that. I explained that I’d gone all moody cos he’d walked off and he said, “I’M SORRY FOR DOING THAT! BUT WHEN YOU WON’T HOLD MY HAND OR TOUCH ME… THAT REALLY RIPS YOU UP INSIDE!”
Then I got, “LOOK – I’M SOOO SORRY I SAID THOSE THINGS – PEOPLE TELL ME I SPEAK MY MIND AND IT USUALLY MAKES MATTERS WORSE! I WANT TO SEE YOU TMW COS OTHERWISE I’LL REALLY REGRET IT! DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT THE ONLY REASON IT UPSETS ME SO MUCH IS COS I CARE ABOUT YOU SO MUCH! YOU’RE THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN MAKE ME CRY! xJx”. I felt really guilty then!
The next message he sent said, “I WOULDN’T SAY THIS WORRIES ME COS WE ALWAYS MAKE UP THE NEXT DAY – USUALLY! I’VE STOPPED CRYING NOW! I FEEL GUILTY TOO. I KNOW HOW IMPORTANT YOU ARE TO ME COS I DON’T SHOW MY EMOTIONS USUALLY! MY BRO UPSET ME ONCE COS I DIDN’T CRY WHEN MY MUM DIED – OR AT THE FUNERAL – HE SAID I DIDN’T CARE – BUT I DID… AND I STILL DO. MAYBE THAT’S WHY I GET UPSET OVER THINGS LIKE THIS – LIFE’S TOO SHORT TO ARGUE AND FALL OUT! I LOVE YOU! xxx”.
That nearly had me in tears when he sent that. I’m just glad we sorted it out though cos, he’s right, life’s too short!
Gethin and I had interviews with a bloke called Mark at The Green Dragon this morning. He said he’d ring and let me know about a job.