Friday 14th All this diary seem to consist of is text messages from Jake! I suppose I won’t get as many after Holland cos hopefully I’ll see him quite a lot.
Anyway, here we go again!… Late last night I got a few texts from him. At 23:53 I got, “IT JUST SEEMS LIKE AGES SINCE I SAID GOODBYE TO YOU! CAN STILL SEE YOU STANDING IN YOUR HALL WITH THAT LOOK ON YOUR FACE! I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE A DIFFERENT LOOK…” then, “ON YOUR CUTE LITTLE FACE! : ) I CAN REMEMBER EVERY LITTLE THING THAT HAPPENED WHEN I LEFT YOU! WANT TO THINK ABOUT SEEING YOU INSTEAD BUT THAT MAKES IT WORSE! xJx”.
It’s just dawned on me when I was writing that down that he uses a hell of a lot of exclamation marks!
After he sent that I sent him a message saying something about hating saying goodbye and he said, “I HATE SAYING GOODBYE TOO! I THINK I’VE SMELLED MY/YOUR WATCH STRAP A BIT TOO MUCH – NOT AS STRONG ANYMORE! : ( KEEP ON TRYING TO THINK OF WAYS THAT THIS CAN…” and then, “BE GOOD – HAVEN’T COME UP WITH ANYTHING YET… APART FROM SHOWING EXACTLY HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU AND HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME! : ) LOTS OF LOVE!!! xJx”.
I only got that last message when I woke up this morning so it left me very confused cos I didn’t quite understand how him being away showed he loves me etc. So, I texted him to ask and he said he wasn’t sure himself what he’d meant cos he’d been half asleep when he wrote it! I now think he meant that being apart has made him really see how much he loves me or whatever.
Anyway, he then texted me to say, “REALLY MISS YOU! SORRY FOR CONFUSING YOU! ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW IS THAT I LOVE YOU TO BITS AND I’M MISSING YOU LIKE CRAZY… AND YES IT’S ALL MY FAULT!!! : ) LOVE xJx”. I liked that one, especially cos he’s admitted it’s his fault!
I then pointed out that we’ve only got about 6 days until we got to Valkenburg and he said, “YEH ONLY 6 DAYS! : ) WELL I CAN’T GO FOR LONGER THAN A MINUTE WITHOUT A CUDDLE ANYWAY SO IT’S GONNA BE HARD TO MAKE THE TIME UP! THE TENT SHOULD SOLVE…” and then, “THAT PROBLEM SHOULDN’T IT!? ON AN 8 HOUR TRAIN TO PRAGUE NOW – FOUND A PLUG SOCKET TOO! IT’S BECOME A MAJOR FACTOR WHEN DECIDING WHERE TO SIT NOW! LOVE YOU! Jx”.
We had the Way Ahead thing in college again today and yet again the teachers managed to scare (and bore!) the hell out of us! Then, just to make matters worse, one teacher told us we should get into the social side of things cos she regretted not doing in her first year because she kept going home to see her boyfriend until they split up. I think that’s what’s scaring me more than anything, if I have to choose between Jake and a course I really want. The last thing I want is to be split up from him and then be really unhappy without him but then I don’t want to end up on a course for ages and then regretting not doing something else or going somewhere else if we break up for another reason.
Mind you, it might be a bit less difficult to go to Huddersfield now if I decide to (he’s going there and I did like the place a lot) because I’m heading more towards Environmental Science or something and they do a lot of environmental courses there. Before, I wanted to do Physiotherapy and, other that it being really hard to get a place on that course, there’s not much else similar I could apply for at Huddersfield. With environment stuff, I could also apply for Environmental Science with Geography there too. I’ve not made any definite decisions yet though. I don’t know what could happen between now and then anyway.
When college was over, I sent Jake a text telling him what Miss W had said about splitting up with her boyfriend cos they were apart. I think I was really looking for reassurance and I got it. Jake said, “AAH! : ( TAKE NO NOTICE OF THEM! I’M NEVER SPLITTING UP WITH YOU! YOU’RE MORE IMPORTANT TO ME THAN ANY UNI! SOME PEOPLE SPLIT UP…” and then, “BUT THEN OTHERS STAY TOGETHER! IT ALL DEPENDS ON WHO YOU TALK TO! WHAT WE’VE GOT IS TOO GOOD TO LET ANYTHING COME BETWEEN US! LOVE YOU!!! xJx”.
He sent me a message later telling me not to let it all stress me out so I told him I wasn’t stressed, just annoyed cos uni seems to be the only topic of conversation at the moment. He said, “OH RIGHT – WHAT’S ANNOYING YOU? GOING TO UNI, BEING APART OR THE PROCESS OF GETTING INTO UNI?? IF IT’S THE 2ND ONE – I’M NOT THINKING THAT FAR AHEAD YET! JUST ENJOYING…” then, “WHAT WE’VE GOT AND BEING WITH YOU NOW! DON’T WANT TO WORRY ABOUT BEING APART – IT’S TOO HORRIBLE! : ( LOVE YOU!!! xJx”.
I told him that people just kept asking what I’m going to do about him as if they assume we won’t last. He said, “WELL THEY’RE WRONG! EVEN IF WE DO SPLIT UP – I’M ALWAYS GONNA LOVE YOU SO IT WON’T MATTER!! WE MAY NOT EVEN SPLIT UP ANYWAY! I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE SAY THAT! x”.
I really hope he’s right!