Stupid, soppy, American-high-school-style “group hug” – 30th June & 1st July 2000

Friday 30th to Saturday 1st Friday was really good in the end! I’ve been sort of dreading it all week cos it’s the last Friday I’ll have had with Jake for a few weeks. 🙂

During the day, Jake, Gethin and I went round to Sarah’s cos we had the day off cos of that Warrington Walking Day thing. We didn’t really do much then, as usual. We just sat about chatting and eating. Every so often, Jake or I would groan when we remembered we’re going to be split up for a while and he kept hugging me really hard or squeezing my hand really tightly.

We weren’t at Sarah’s all that long cos Jake had to go and have his hair cut so he dropped Gethin off at home so we could get our stuff to change into for the evening. It was then he told us that this’d be one of our last rides in the Beetle cos it was going to be restored and he was only going to be insured for the Polo. He won’t look right without that car! As Gethin said, it’ll make him too normal!

When we got back to Sarah’s we changed into our going out clothes and Sarah managed to persuade her mum to let the lads stay over so Jake didn’t have to drive on his last night out with us all. So, we ordered a taxi and headed for the Trafford Centre. We planned to try out all the bars there but we agreed that if we got IDed twice, we’d give up!

First we went to Tiggi’s. I was sure my mum’d said it was over 21s only but Sarah convinced us otherwise! It turned out I was right! Jake didn’t even bother trying to get served once he’d seen the sign! You see, he’d had his hair cut and it made him look even younger than usual!

Next we tried Manto’s. We didn’t really like it in there cos it was really boring looking so after the bloke told Jake we all needed ID, we didn’t even try to stay. Instead we went in Starbucks. It was the last time we’ll sit on our table on the balcony there with Jake for 3 or more weeks! While we were sat there, we all agreed to get a taxi to The Dog cos we wanted proper drinks and we know it’s nice and friendly in there!

When we arrived, that’s when we started to enjoy the night quite a bit more. Sarah and Gethin ended up snogging. My suspicions are that Gethin wouldn’t have done that had Lizzie not been going away for a few weeks to Cyprus! I won’t tell Sarah what I think this time though cos she won’t want to hear something like that!

The proper realisation that Jake and I were going to be split up set in properly while we were sat there hugging the hell out of each other! He came to the conclusion that it’s good that we’re going to miss each other so much cos it must mean we really love each other. I think he’s probably right. He also told me, “I love you sooooo much!” which was extremely nice to hear and especially cos it was accompanied by another big hug! I told him how much I’m going to miss him too which is a lot, believe me!

We decided to walk to the Chinese takeaway then cos Jake was hungry. We had to keep stopping and hugging and squeezing each other! I’d explained to him that it wasn’t so much the 3 weeks of being separated that bothered me (although it does a lot and I made sure he knows that) but the fact that it’s triggered off thoughts of how bad it’s going to be when he goes away for 3 months to Canada. This is awful now so what the hell’s it going to be like then?!

He told me that he was meeting the English people he’d be going with sometime soon I think and I must have groaned or something cos he told me that he’d be paranoid too if it was me going to Canada (I found out it’s Banff he’s going to) but he swore that nothing will happen with him and another girl cos it’s me he loves and he doesn’t want to wreck that and he couldn’t love anyone more than me anyway. He actually stopped me and was holding me by the shoulders and looking me straight in the eyes while he was saying it which made me feel like he was being dead serious! I suppose that’s good really!

We got our Chinese food and went and sat on the raised bit coming off the old railway station building by the bridge in my village to eat it. When we were done, Jake and I went and sat round the side on some steps leading up to the track. We just kissed but had to stop when the taxi came. Bad timing!

When we got back to Sarah’s, Gethin made us have a stupid, soppy, American-high-school -style “group hug” and then Jake and I had a quick kiss round the side of Sarah’s house before going in. Sarah made us go to bed so we wouldn’t wake her mum and dad up. Unfortunately, I was on the camp bed in Sarah’s room and Jake and Gethin were in the spare room. We just happened to meet on the landing at one point and had another quick kiss before going to bed.

Once I was all snuggled up in the sleeping bag I’d been given, I got a message on my phone. It was from Jake saying, “I LOVE YOU!!! : ) TONIGHT WAS GREAT! LOVE YOU SO MUCH IT HURTS! I’M GONNA MISS YOU SO MUCH I’LL SEE YOU IN EVERYONE I MEET ALONG THE WAY…” and then, “I WON’T BE ABLE TO GET YOUR FACE OUT OF MY MIND! LOVE YOU FOREVER!!! : ) xxx JAKE xxx”.

I told him that I wished Gethin and I could swap beds and told him how much I love him etc. too and told him to stop saying nice things cos I’d only end up crying, and he said, “I WISH YOU COULD TOO! DON’T CRY – ALTHOUGH I’M REALLY TOUCHED – YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME! GLAD IT WASN’T A CRAP NIGHT – I’M GONNA REMEMBER IT FOREVER! LOVE YOU!!! xJx”.

This morning, I woke up to hear Gethin and Jake chatting away like a pair of girls! Sarah and I went in to see them first to see if they wanted anything to drink or whatever. Sarah’s mum went out to the gym so Jake ventured into Sarah’s room and sat on the camp bed with me. Sarah and Gethin went to do some ironing (or so they said!) so we were left alone. Neither of us wanted to let go of each other so there were more tight hugs and squeezing of hands.

He kept stamping his foot or hitting the pillow with his fist and saying it wasn’t fair. He told me that he never expected the Europe trip to actually happen and that it probably wouldn’t have done had Charlie Wilson not have been organising it! He said they were only going so they can say they’ve been.

Mid hug, he said, “Ohhh, baby!” which surprised me cos it’s a very un-Jake thing to say but I didn’t mind, it just made me smile! We were just sat there looking at each other and he sort of grinned and said he was going to end up crying! Then we kissed for a bit when we knew Gethin and Sarah were definitely downstairs and at one point he was lying on top of me and just looked at me, grinned and said, “You’re gorgeous!” That pleased me!

He then just came out with that he still can’t believe we’re actually going out! He’s not the only one who feels like that sometimes! We carried on kissing then someone knocked on the door and it turned out Sarah’s mum was back from the gym so we had to stop cos Sarah and Gethin came and sat in the room with us! All Jake said was, “I don’t believe this!” cos that’s pretty much what happened at Floyd’s that time!

Anyway, we had to go home eventually cos Jake got a message saying he had to go and get some timetables. Luckily I had one nail varnish remover pad in my bag so he could take off the lilac nail varnish I’d put on him in The Dog! He left the nails of his two little fingers as a “reminder” and said he’d still have it on next time I see him. We’ll see!

He also gave me the Pluto toy out of a McDonald’s Happy Meal that had been in his car cos he’ll have the Polo from now on!

This evening, Jake’s dad dropped him off at my house for about an hour and a half so we could say goodbye properly. He sprayed my watch strap with his Ted Baker stuff and I sprayed his with my Boots Poppy body spray cos that’s the smell of each other that they first had when we swapped had worn off. All I can smell is him now every time my watch goes near my nose!

All we did was sit on my bed and kiss and cuddle for one last time. We played the songs that remind us of each other which are Freaky Time by Point Break, Amazed by Lonestar, that If Only by Hanson which cheers us up and he said that Don’t Call Me Baby by Madison Avenue reminds him of me cos I play it a lot and it’s always on when he come to my house or I send him a message!

He kept telling me to stop looking at him like I was doing with my “big, brown eyes” cos it was making him not want to go. He told me that he likes me cos I’m so happy and smiley all the time! He might change his mind about that if he could see how miserable I am now he’s gone!

We’d been dreading his dad arriving to pick him up but eventually he did. Jake and I stood in the middle of my room and hugged and kissed quickly. He then held my head and told me he loves me and that I make him so happy and that I’m the best thing that ever happened to him! I nearly cried by just about managed to control myself!

I went downstairs with him to find my dad and his dad talking about a painting of the Albert Hall on our wall.


[Still there.]

The last I saw of Jake was him walking out of my front door, waving and saying, “Bye!” in his bright orange Holland footy shirt, jeans and wide Pod shows with his hair all spiky. I’m not going to be able to forget that image of him!


[Judging by the level of detail in the diary entry, I was pretty damn sure Jake would manage to die whilst on holiday and I was never, ever going to see him again.]

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