Hayley, yet again, burst into tears – 22nd May 2000

Monday 22nd Jake was at Alton Towers today so I’ve not seen him at all. My mum said she saw his car parked near her school all day so he must have gone there with Ali Kershaw.

I got the results from my mock exams today. I got Es on both papers for Biology and a C on one Geography paper (not had the other one back yet). It’s not been such a good day. I liked college much better when Jake was there.

I’ve also had a bit of a falling out with Hayley. Rachael Hollins had been talking about Andy’s mates to Georgia Dean and Lena and had accidentally said “Andy” instead of someone else’s name as Hayley walked in. Hayley immediately ran off in floods of tears.

Later on, Hayley sat in the common room and Rachael was talking loudly about something which had no link to Hayley whatsoever but Hayley automatically assumed Rach was talking loudly just to wind her up when in actual fact she just always talks at that volume!

Then, after I had a free, Hayley came back from her lesson and said, “So, what’s the little bitch been saying about me then?” (meaning Rach who hadn’t mentioned Hayley) so I told her not to be so bleeding paranoid. Then she started going on about how she was going to snap soon (making it sound like she’s going to slap Rach or something) so I told Hayley that she’d better not expect me to stop talking to Rach and that Rach hadn’t even meant to say what she did in the first place.

Hayley, yet again, burst into tears saying, “It’s nice to know my best mates are sticking up for me!” extremely sarcastically. She’s been looking for an excuse to get at Rachael for ages cos she doesn’t like her much so she’s not prepared to listen to the truth cos she knows she’s in the wrong now and not Rach. Silly girl!!

I had another phone call from Hugo tonight. He told me more about Jake’s mum. He said she started off with breast cancer and it spread to her liver and now her brain and she’s got about a month left. He says she went into the hospice so that Robbie and Jake have a better chance of concentrating for their exams or something.

All day yesterday, I kept filling up with tears every time I thought about it and then there’s the affect it’ll have on Jake and I don’t know how to handle it really which is probably what’s upsetting me cos it’s all so horrible.

Hugo said tonight that Jake has asked him to mention it to me cos he doesn’t know how to tell me and doesn’t want me to think he’s doing it to get attention off me. I definitely wouldn’t think that!

Hugo also said that, yesterday, Jake had had to go out when his dad got home from seeing his mum cos he’d just broken down and Jake couldn’t bear to see him like that.

I’m finding it very difficult to write all this without crying now.

Hugo told me as well that he’d had messages off Jake saying how much he was glad he had him as a best mate and someone to love like he does me. Apparently Jake also said that he thinks I’m ‘the one’ but I’m not sure how much of all this is true due to Hugo being the one telling me. I get the impression that he’s not a reliable source of information!

I’m beginning to realise now why Jake’s not saying much to me about his mum. I mean, I can’t fully understand but I’m finding it difficult to speak to anyone about it myself, even though I want to tell someone cos it’s upsetting me too. I just don’t know what to say though and people might think I’ve not got any right to be upset about it so I’m tending to keep most of it to myself.

Just got a message from someone but the number at the top’s weird! I think it’s Hugo cos it starts, “YO TESS” like his always do. It mentions Jake and it doesn’t make much sense at one point! It says, “YO HI TESS GOT SICK OF TYPING ARE OFF THE NET SO HOW R U ITS GOOD THAT U AND JAKE ARE TOGETHER BECAUSE I THINK THAT U R PERFECT FOR HIM AND U MAKE A GOOD COUPLE!!” There’s also no punctuation in it which is another thing that makes me think it’s him!

Bye!

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