VODKA + PILLS! – 11th & 12th March 2000

Saturday 11th My temperature came back again today. I’ve been either boiling or freezing all day and I had a really bad headache.

I’m not pissed off about the Jake thing anymore after the message I got from him this morning. He said, “HI, ARE YOU OK? YOU WERE VERY QUIET LAST NIGHT? IF THERE WAS SOMETHING UP YOU WOULD TELL ME WOULDN’T YOU? DON’T EVER WANT TO LOSE YOU! LOVE YOU LOTS : ) xxx”. I sent him one back saying, “I WASN’T FEELING 2 GREAT AGAIN. I HAD A REALLY BAD HEADACHE + I’VE STILL GOT IT NOW. YOU’RE NOT GONNA LOSE ME… LOVE U WAY 2 MUCH!! SORRY IF I WORRIED U. LOVE TESS x”.

I should just be glad he’s not trying to push me into things I don’t want to do, shouldn’t I? He’s so lovely and I still can’t believe it’s me he actually likes! He doesn’t deserve for me to be pissed off with him which is why I’m not anymore.

I got another message from him saying, “IT’S OK, I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY! IT WAS PROBABLY THE CONCOCTION OF VODKA + PILLS! HOPE IT GOES AWAY SOON ; ) LOADS OF LOVE JAKE xxxxx”. Actually, the vodka probably didn’t help but I made sure I hadn’t taken any drugs to go with it [I was just talking aspirin or paracetamol here!] – I’d probably have ended up in a coma or something!

Bye!

Sunday 12th Still ill. I’m fed up of this now! I’ve been dizzy all day, still going hot and cold and I’m still bloody deaf!! How long is this going to last??

I had a strange dream last night about my sister stalking the band Hanson in a Topshop shop in Paris. I then woke up worrying about Jake going to Canada and meeting other girls (3 months is quite a while!) and then deciding to stay there longer.

I think Hanson triggered it off because their new song ‘If Only’ (or something) reminds me of Jake. I think it’s because there are mountains in the video which I link to skiing and therefore Jake! I keep thinking it’s ages away until he leaves and that anything could happen between now and then but time seems to be going really quickly.

I’ve had some reassuring messages off him today though. I sent the first one telling him I might not be in college again tomorrow and asking what he thought was up with me on Friday night. He replied, “I DON’T KNOW YOU SEEMED TO BE QUIETER THAN NORMAL? YOU’VE BEEN ILL FOR A WHILE – HOPE YOU’RE BETTER SOON ; ) LOVE YOU LOADS JAKE xxxxx”.

I sent him another apologising for Friday and I got 2 back saying, “YOU FEEL AWFUL! I GAVE YOU THE VIRUS IN THE FIRST PLACE – I FEEL AWFUL! ANYWAY I’M JUST PARANOID – IT’S TAKEN ALL THIS TIME FOR US TO GET TOGETHER…….” and then, “I JUST DON’T WANT ANYTHING TO COME BETWEEN US – I DON’T LIKE TO SEE YOU UNHAPPY COS YOU’VE GOT A GREAT SMILE! ; ) SORRY IF I WORRIED YOU! LOVE YOU ; ) xxxxx”.

I sent him one back but I’ve not had a reply. I put, “THERE’S NOTHING 2 COME BETWEEN US! I’M STILL IN SHOCK THAT WE DID GET TOGETHER – BUT A GOOD SORT OF SHOCK!! I’M GLAD U GET PARANOID INSTEAD OF NOT CARING! LOVE YOU xxx”.

He’s not the only one that gets paranoid though! I’ve been worrying that I’ve said something wrong in that text which is why he’s not replied but hopefully it’s just cos I didn’t ask any questions or something.

Bye!

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