Why the hell he’s chosen me, I don’t know! – 9th February 2000

Wednesday 9th I still can’t believe the whole Jake thing! It’s just not sinking in. He’s a babe, right, and a nice lad to go with that and he could have pretty much anyone he wanted so why the hell he’s chosen me, I don’t know!

The first time I saw him today was at morning break. He came into our common room and sat down. I couldn’t actually speak to him for a few minutes because I was trapped in a corner surrounded by chairs and stuff and I also couldn’t think of much to say. When I got the chance though, I went and sat by him. Most of the people in the room were staring or grinning at us which made it even more awkward. We did speak a bit but then the bell went.

I was asked to go to the pub again at lunch but I didn’t because I wasn’t told that Jake was going. He actually did and Emma told me later about their little chat. She asked him if we were seeing each other and he nodded and said yes. She then asked if I knew about this and he said he didn’t know so she told him he’d better talk to me. He just said that I didn’t talk much. I don’t talk much?! Excuse me, Jake, but who’s been the one who’s had to make attempts at making conversation? Me!!

I don’t know if Emma actually said more than she let on to me but, after school, he came up to our common room again and sat with me and Emma. We chatted for a bit and then she went home. Then Jake said suddenly, “Can I talk to you out there for a minute, Tess?” and pointed to the big assembly room. I followed him out there and asked what was up.

The conversation went something like this:-

Jake: (really quietly) You know I really like you?
Me: Well, erm… I have been told that actually.
Jake: I just thought I’d better say so myself just in case you think I’m not interested. It’s just that I’m a bit shy.
Me: Yeah well, I’m not much better!
J: So….. (looked like he was waiting for me to say something)
Me: (guessed what it was and said…) Well yeah, I like you and all.
J: (looked relieved) It’s just really awkward with all your mates about.
Me: I know. Sorry! They all just sit there and stare at us.
J: So, what you doing on Friday night?
Me: I’m not sure yet. My mates want to just go to the pub or something so…. erm…
J: I was just wondering if you wanted to go to the pictures or something.
Me: Erm… well, Friday’s not definite so I can always do that instead.
J: No, it’s okay, I sort of want to go out too. We can always do the pictures on Monday.
Me: Yeah, okay, I’ll check with people and we can so we can sort it out tomorrow.
J: Right, okay. Erm… see you tomorrow then.

At that point he kissed me on the lips once (like I got at morning break too, except he held my hands then) but then he did it again and we ended up snogging. I’ve been wanting to do that with him all week! We said bye again and headed in opposite directions. He grabbed my hand and slowly released it as we were walking off. Yet again, I couldn’t stop smiling!

At the moment, I dread the thought of going to the cinema on my own with him because of the sheer awkwardness. I’d rather he came out to the pub then I can get drunk and break the ice even more. I’ll see what he says tomorrow.

I don’t know how long this is going to last but every time I see him I end up liking him even more. I don’t think he realised though which is why I need to have a couple of drinks around him so I won’t care about telling him stuff!


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