How the hell am I supposed to react to that??!! – 15th November 1999

Tuesday 16th I had a better day today. Zoe was back to normal with me and Freda seemed okay too. Freda had managed to tune her radio in to the police and stuff and she kept hearing people calling ambulances so that was something to talk about. I was testing her by asking if I could listen and stuff and she let me. She seemed fine with me today.

Rachael Hollins asked me today if I liked Aled because Freda has told her that I said if Aled had’ve been at the party I’d probably never have met [snogged] Leon. I just told her the truth that I probably just wouldn’t have said no to meeting [snogging] Aled if he’d have asked me to.

Julian was also asking me why I liked Aled. He was saying how Aled was a bastard and, seeing as everyone else hates him, asking why I like him. I told him I don’t like him, I just don’t hate him. I actually do like him but I just don’t really fancy him anymore. What’s it got to do with everyone else anyway? You can’t help it if you fancy someone, can you?

I had 2 text messages on my phone today from Leon. The 1st one I was pleased to get and I couldn’t stop smiling afterwards. It just said, “HI ITS LEON. R WE GOING OUT ON THURS?” [All texts that I wrote down in my diary are in shouty-looking capital letters. Was there not a lower case option for texts in the late ‘90s or is this just how I wrote them out? I can’t remember.] I replied by saying yes but that Lizzie and Brett know more about it than me.

The 2nd message I got just plain freaked me out. This one said, “I LOVE YOU!”

How the hell am I supposed to react to that??!!

If I send one back I’ll have to say something like, “I’m not sure how to react to that last message”. What else can I say? I don’t want to ignore it because he might say it to my face on Thursday to see how I react for himself and I don’t want that to happen.

I also don’t want to send the same thing to him and he said to me because, even though that’s the reaction he might want, I’m not saying it if I don’t mean it and I wouldn’t mean it. I’m not even sure I fancy the lad! Like him yes. Well, I did but this has just scared me now.

He can’t seriously mean it himself. He’s only known me a matter of hours from the times I’ve seen him (at the Trafford Centre and the party) and at the Trafford Centre he was still with Becky and at the party he was drunk. It was dark and all!

Honestly, that group of lads from that school are a bit warped when it comes to feelings, I think. Brett’s told Lizzie that he loves her – various times (she had the same panicking reaction as me and doesn’t feel the same way) and Reevesey’s told Zoe he loves her.

I don’t believe this. I really hope he’s not expecting me to tell him I love him because he’s heading for disappointment if he is. We’re teenagers for God’s sake. Love doesn’t come into it seriously! His hormones must be getting mixed up or something!

Lizzie was saying that at swimming training last night I was being referred to as ‘Tesco’ again. Apparently someone said, “Leon really likes Tesco” in front of Leon and his dad! His dad didn’t know what they were on about and made some comment about Leon hating shopping or something and Leon just got embarrassed and went red!

It’s all very flattering but very scary now and all. I seriously need a good discussion with Lizzie and Sarah about this one.



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