[On the off chance you’ve been wondering, I’ve not keeled over from my Mozambican spider bite, I’ve just been mega-ridic busy with work and visitors and weekends away and cats and things. Diary posts will be a wee bit sparse for another couple of weeks as the mega-ridic busy-ness continues but I’ll hopefully get back to normal at some point in November. Soz.]

Wednesday 14^th The Au Revoir 2 concert at the Legion tonight seemed to go pretty well. Not as many people turned up as usual but it didn’t really matter.

I got disappointed again this evening after I got my hopes up about a possible better social life. I’d heard Emma and Davis and people talking about going to town on Friday night but I’ve got used to just ignoring the arrangements coz they don’t tend to involve me however much I’d like to go – a bit more exciting than going to the Sports Club!

Anyway, tonight, Ed came up to me at the interval and said, “Are you coming to town on Friday night?” It was a sort of ‘if-you’re-not-going-do-you-want-to?’ type of question so I just sort of shrugged and someone else talked to us instead. To add to that, Emma was waving me over to go and sit down next to her at a table with Davis and Charlie Wilson and some others so that made me feel like I was wanted and in with the crowd.

Since this business with Lindsey Bullman and Lena leaving me and Hayley out, and Emma (my ex-best friend, however much I’d rather it was how it was before) going along with it all so she wouldn’t be the next one rejected, I’ve not really felt like part of a group (even though I’ve got loads of friends) and groups tend to be more fun.

Well, I was sat there with them in the interval and I was quite enjoying myself and then they started talking about Friday, saying that Emma, Suzanna, Ed, Davis, Gavin Bilson and maybe Robert Osbourne were going to town. So when we got back to our seats on stage, I asked Emma what was going on on Friday night and I explained that Ed had just asked if I was going. I was really expecting her to give a full explanation and ask me if I was going to go. I wished I hadn’t bothered mentioning it coz all I got was, “Oh, er, we’re just going to town.” Then she shut up.

I thought nothing of it really until the concert was over. Then Emma went straight over to Ed and started talking to him. I was stood behind her and I don’t think she realised but I’m sure part of what she said was, “Why did you ask her?” I could’ve been wrong and I probably wouldn’t have taken much notice and just passed it off as a conversation which had nothing to do with me if Ed hadn’t have been glancing, wide-eyed between me and Emma once he saw me behind her. Also, Emma said to Ed, “Ooh, I’d better shut up now!” once she saw me.

If that didn’t make them look guilty enough then the fact that Emma rushed off home and straight past me certainly did. Normally she’d at least have said goodbye. Oh well, I won’t be expecting any invitations out again and even if I get any I won’t get my hopes up too much.

At least Ed asked me I suppose. He came and talked to me before leaving as well but with no mention of Friday, just who we thought might be gay in our year!! I like Ed (but just in a friend kind of way). Not many people do like him really. That’s something we seem to have in common.

It’s usually for no reason that people don’t seem to want to associate with me. Well, not one that I can come up with anyway. Actually, with most people I’m not bothered what they think of me but I think it hurts my feelings more when Emma doesn’t seem to want to go anywhere with me anymore because we used to be such good friends until quite recently.

Mind you, some of the reasons I’d like to still be best mates with her for maybe aren’t exactly because of Emma herself. I think it’s more because of the good times out she seems to have and the people she has them with e.g. Ewan Swann sometimes.

It’s just tough really coz there’s not a lot I can do about any of this.

BYE!