Their levels of sadness are rather on the high side! – 1st & 2nd May 1999

Saturday 1st It’s now 21 days until I officially leave school. Scary! After so many years of having to attend school I now don’t have to. I’m not going to leave but I could if I wanted – that’s the thing.

I had an e-mail from Adam and Ronan tonight. It was only a ‘quickie’ as he put it but I like hearing from him however short it is. It just said summit from Ronan about how he’d heard about me and it wasn’t all bad and that he’d seen photos, although there was no comment on them. [Let’s just remind ourselves what I looked like at the time and why there might have been no comment…]

[Here I am in my Man Utd-filled room.]

Same with the photos of Hayley. Adam had put summit like, “So, Ronan, what do you think of Hayley?” and it simply said “No comment!” I’m intrigued now as to what that meant and also what Adam’s been saying about me. I mailed him back to ask but I’ll probably never get satisfying answers. After all, they are lads!

BYE!

Sunday 2nd All the stress of exams and the realisation that I’ve only got 3 weeks to go before they begin suddenly hit me today. I’m getting worried. I want to get an A in at least one subject but I dunno which one (if any) I can manage it in. I also don’t want to get anything less than a C in any subject either but I get the feeling I’m already online for at least a couple of Ds already.

The thing is that I’m so unclear in most of my subjects as to what grade I’ve already got with coursework and stuff. For example, in Geography (the only one I’m clear on) with my coursework (which I got 49/60 for which is an A), Mrs C told me that in the exam I need to get 53% for a C, 66% for a B and 79% for an A. I just wish the other subjects would let me know like that.

So for now, to avoid too much disappointment, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I probably won’t fail any exams but I won’t get more than a B in any of them either. The fact that Abby keeps getting As in stuff isn’t really helping much either. Even though I’m not really, I’m starting to feel like the thick one!

I really want to go to Alton Towers after my exams too to meet Adam. It might seem stupid seeing as I don’t really know him but then I’ll always be wondering if I don’t take the risk. The only real problem is getting there. My parents’ll still be at work and I don’t really want them coming anyway, for obvious reasons! There’s no train that goes directly there as far as I know. No coach trips’ll be running coz most people are still at school.

My only other option really is to scrub a lift off someone else. Freda would be the most likely target, providing I could persuade her to go. The only problem with her is that Karen Brent, Lucy Jacobs etc. would probably come along too. This may seem snidey but they’re hardly the sort of people you want to be seen with when trying to create a good 1st impression. Their levels of sadness are rather on the high side!

Oh yeah, the other thing with Freda is the size of her gob. Once she knows I met Adam on the internet, so does everyone else! Not good. I’ll have to work summit out. It’s a shame there’s no real decent places to go between here and wherever he lives.

I’ll attempt to go to sleep now but I probably won’t be able to coz I’m thinking too much! Well, I may as well try.

BYE!

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