I really miss having Emma as a friend – 28th March 1999

Sunday 28th I don’t particularly like myself for thinking this and I wish I didn’t coz she’s been a bitch to me but I really miss having Emma as a friend. I think it’s just compared to Hayley but, looking back, she was so much more fun. She wasn’t scared of going out of her village like Hayley is and she let me speak without interrupting when summit I’d just said reminded her or summit she wanted to tell me, and she wouldn’t start yelling at me or sulking if I said something she disagreed with. Instead, she’d let me have my say and then tell me what she thought without putting me down.

I miss the really long phone calls we had when we’d analyse people’s behaviour instead of the 5 minute ones I have with Hayley because she’s worried how expensive the phone bill’s getting. It’s so unfair that she just doesn’t seem to want to know me out of school anymore.

Maybe I’m being unfair on Hayley too in the way that I let everything she does irritate me. She’s too cautious about everything and too touchy. I feel like I really have to choose my words carefully when I’m talking to her for fear of causing an unnecessary argument.

Sometimes when I’m bored at the weekend, I just feel like jumping on a bus into Warrington or somewhere. I used to do that with Emma. We’d just meet up and go but with Hayley she just wouldn’t do it coz she’d worry about stupid little things like the bus being late, someone she didn’t like getting on the same bus or running out of money. I s’pose she can’t help it but it’s borderline pathetic.

The other thing about Hayley is that every time I mention Emma she goes all touchy. It’s hard not to though and, really, why should I avoid it? I’ve been mates with Emma for years and I still am sort of so most of the things I’ve done have involved her so when I’m talking about stuff I’ve done in the past, she gets mentioned. Hayley just doesn’t seem to understand that I was pretty much best mates with Emma and that I can’t just act as if she never existed.

I think the truth is that Hayley feels threatened by Emma and thinks that I would just leave her out if I was good friends with Emma again. I can’t see that happening. Hayley’s always been a bit jealous of her, I think because of me. I don’t mean to sound big-headed but they were always arguing and I got stuck in the middle.


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