Sunday 21st I had another one of those dreams last night that disappointed me when I woke up and realised it wasn’t real. This time I had lots of friends again and Ferny told me he fancied me. I was also in college and not in high school anymore. Nothing else really happened coz I woke up but for a few minutes when I was still half asleep I was looking forward to going to school so I could talk to Ferny. But I woke up properly and found out that it had actually only been a dream.
It’s not fair. Why does my mind keep making me dream things which are so realistic but untrue? That’s what’s so disappointing, I can remember them like they have actually happened and they are things which I would quite like to be true but they’re not. That’s twice in a row now.
I’ve got to be back at school tomorrow. I don’t want to go. Before Xmas I used to actually quite look forward to going to school coz I could see my friends and stuff but now, well, I’m just dreading it. No doubt they’ve all had a big get-together without me or Hayley and Emma will have probably been out every night with Davis, Ed, Ewan etc. and we’ll get to hear about it all. I’m sure they’ll make sure of that.
I don’t seem to ever have had much luck with friends. I must have a big fault in my personality or summit coz every time something like this has happened, I can never think of anything obvious that I’ve done.
Megan Quinn – I was best mates with Megan from nursery school up until about 3rd year of juniors. Then we sort of drifted apart. In the last year of primary school we had to choose 2 other people who we’d go in a form with at high school. There were quite a few of us in my group of friends but I was the one who got left on my own so I ended up getting stuck with Lindsey Bullman and Karen Brent.
Lindsey Bullman and Karen Brent – That was fine up until about half way through Year 7 when those two suddenly turned on me and bullied me for about 2 years. Lindsey was the obvious leader coz Karen was usually okay on her own but Lindsey wasn’t.Leona Wright – While that was going on with Lindsey and Karen, I got to be best mates with Leona until she went off with another group of girls and left me with Cat Elliot, Lizzie Bond etc.
It was all fine up until after Xmas. I was best mates with Emma, I had 2 friendship groups after we’d been skiing and I was also mates with lads. But then for some big unknown reason all this happened. I’m going completely left out, my so-called best mate dumped me for them and I have no social life.
What I don’t understand is what the hell I’m meant to have done to deserve this. I keep trying to convince myself that it’s bound to get better but there’s no way of knowing. It could get worse. I just hope it bloody doesn’t.
The annoying thing is that during that time between skiing and Xmas, I just didn’t realise how good I had it.