They’re not actually doing anything obviously wrong – 8th February 1999

Monday 8th My “friends” were still being weird today. It’s making me really paranoid. Every time I hear someone whispering, I automatically assume it’s about me.

The latest thing is that Hayley and I are being left out of are whatever Lindsey Bullman’s doing for her birthday and their little holiday that they’re planning. It’s Lindsey’s birthday on the Tuesday in the holidays and they were talking about it in my earshot only I don’t think they realised I was listening. I know they’re planning to do summit on Tues but I dunno what. Rachael can’t go though coz she’s going to the Lakes for a week with her family.

Their holiday that they are also planning is to Ibiza in the year 2000 summer hols. Yes, yes, I know it’s ages away and things will probably have changed a bit by then but they’re all telling each other to bring in brochures and stuff. Emma did say to Rachael that she wouldn’t be able to afford it but she still got asked.

I can’t believe how horrible Emma’s being to me. I’ve been her best mate for years and now it’s like she wants nothing to do with me. I thought she’d at least feel guilty but she’s showing no signs of it. None of them are. I would, I’m sure of it.

You’re probably wondering why the hell I’m bothering with them anymore. So am I but then I keep remembering that I’m stuck with them in most lessons and it’d just make matter worse if I didn’t at least make an effort to be civil, even if they don’t want me around.

The other really irritating thing about it all is that, other than leaving us out, they’re not actually doing anything obviously wrong to someone outside the group. They talk to us, yes, but it’s not how it was. [That was awful. If I’d said something to someone, it would have looked like I was just paranoid and they knew that, the sneaky little cows.]

Emma was telling me this morning (she was actually taking to me like she used to – sometimes she does on her own) that Davis phoned and he and Ewan were going to come down at the weekend. A while ago she’d have been on the phone to me like a shot making me go round but she never phones me anymore.

It turned out that they didn’t come down and Emma (who was with Suzanna) wasn’t allowed out coz her mum found a box of matches in her pocket and thinks she now smokes and does drugs. Johnny Doherty actually gave ’em to her coz she likes playing about with them but her parents didn’t believe her. Not surprising really!

Oh well, Freda has invited me to her sleepover for her birthday and has also offered me a spare ticket to the All Saints concert in June. I think I’ll go to it. [Yay for Freda!]


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