I CAN TAKE IT! – 27th January 1999

Wednesday 27th I didn’t go to school today coz I had a really sore throat when I woke up this morning. I’ve probably caught it off Hayley coz she’s not well again and was coughing everywhere yesterday. She didn’t go to school either today. I know coz I phoned her before.

I’ve been thinking all day about how to react to everyone at school. I’ll carry on as normal with everyone except Emma. I’ll keep my distance from her. She also said yesterday that she didn’t want to fall out with me. Well, she doesn’t seem to care much to me. Providing she hasn’t moved places, I’m sat next to her in most lessons so I’ll just try and act normally then and talk to her like I usually do but at breaks and lunch I’ll go and talk to people who she’s not with.

Above all though, in general I’ve got to act like I’m not bothered and stay chilled. Also, if anyone does anything, I’ve got to bite my tongue if it’s anything that annoys me coz any little outbursts could make matters worse. Especially with Emma coz she really hurt my feelings yesterday and it gets so tempting just to tell her what I think of her at the moment. I’ve really got to control myself coz she’s got everyone on her side and I don’t want any of them to have a real excuse to fall out with us. As far as I can tell, it’s them that’s in the wrong, not me and Hayley.

I’ve also been trying to think positive about the situation. I’ve been telling myself that it’s bound to end eventually one way or another and that school is only 6 hours a day and that if it’s not over by the end of the year, hopefully it’ll change when we leave school.

Also, it’s not just me, it’s Hayley too at the moment so I can still go places with her after school and I’m still mates with people like Freda, Cat and Lizzie for the time being.

I keep saying to myself that I can take it. It’s been making me feel better for some reason. My Auntie S was the one who got me thinking like that coz she said it at Xmas when everyone was threatening to do things to her on her 40th birthday. Hayley’s been getting really upset about it all and I’ve been telling her what I’ve been telling myself. We can take it.

Emma phoned again this morning like she did yesterday to tell me she wasn’t walking round to school. I think she’s using the excuse of her dad having to leave early coz she just doesn’t want to be seen with me. We’ll see.

With all this me-being-too-clingy thing, I’ve felt like that myself with people before such as Rachael Hollins and Hayley and it’s passed eventually but I’m not sure it will with Emma coz she’s following the crowd and they don’t want me either. At least I can still talk to Hayley.

I CAN TAKE IT!

BYE!

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