‘Stuff’ not being too innocent – 8th & 10th January 1999

Friday 8th There was major long eye contact between me and Ewan today. I don’t think either of us realised at first that we were looking at each other so we didn’t turn away.

I’ve gone off him a bit since tonight in the Sports Club. Johnny Doherty, Tunde S, Naveen and Jack Eddison were there and we were telling them about New Year’s Eve and got onto the subject of Ewan. It was Tunde who was telling us really. He was saying about Keely Wade and the party at Ed’s and also that when Ewan fancied Grace Langley and Corrine Hayes he kept phoning them and telling them to go to his house so they could do stuff. ‘Stuff’ not being too innocent, I don’t think!

Emma told me that Az Hart and his mates (being Kris Bates, Ned Arncliffe etc.) called me Bambi. I got worried and asked why and when they’d said it and she told me he’d said it on the phone and it was just that I’ve got really nice eyes. Okay!


[Maybe it was that deer-about-to-by-hit-by-a-car look of mine.]

Sunday 10th Oh shit! I’m so scared of things coming up in the next few days. I’ve got my Art exam all morning and, like last time, I’ll probably get moved into another room where I’m on my bill and everyone else is all sat together. That’s for 3 hours as well.

Then after that I’ve got another lovely (NOT!) Maths exam which yet again I’m going to fail. I’ll be sitting there panicking again coz I don’t know much when it comes to Maths. Plus I’ve got to do the higher and hardest paper.

Even when tomorrow’s over I’ve got to face Tuesday and my French oral exam. I know now it’s gonna be bad. I’ll go in and won’t be able to remember anything. I know what I’m like. I’ll get that stressed, nervous and panicky that my mind will go totally blank and I won’t know what I or the teacher’s saying.

Then after that there’s Wednesday. That needs no explanation, I think I’ve said it all before! [I just dreaded the lessons that day. I remember being pleased whenever I was ill on a Wednesday because I hated Drama so much.]

Okay, I know I really need to chill about this week but I just can’t seem to do that.


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