Ewan Floyd Swann, candle-wanking genius – 7th January 1999

Thursday 7th Hey, guess what. Now I’ve failed Maths AND French. Bugger! That was horrible. The reading one wasn’t too bad coz it was mainly guess-which-letter’s-meant-to-go-by-each-sentence style questions so there’s always the hope that I actually got some right, whereas the writing one, well, what can I say other than AAARRGGHHH?!!!!!

It was bleeding torture. There were 2 questions, both worth a lot of marks (which I didn’t get any of, I’m sure). The first was that you had to write a letter in French and there were lots of things which you had to include. That’s all I knew coz the instructions were in bloody French. [The cheek of it in a French exam!] Not only that but my dictionary may as well have been in Chinese for the amount of vocab on the paper that was in there!

I had 50 mins to do the paper and I wasted half of that trying to work out what I had to do. And that was only on question one. I wrote about 5 lines of French words on a page of A4 (which I think we were meant to fill), looked at Shauna Adams’s who’d written nearly a page, looked at the clock and panicked.

I then decided to try question 2. I was surprised to find that I actually knew what most of the instructions meant (I think it was just luck that the only page I’d looked at for longer than 5 mins in revision was what the question was on) but that didn’t help when I came to answering the question. My mind went totally blank when I realised I only had 15 mins left. I think I managed to write about 8 lines that time but the question was worth more marks so it didn’t really help.

With 5 mins left, I could’ve gone back and added more to both but then I thought, “Oh, fuck this!” (excuse the language) and stopped. Now I wish I hadn’t coz I’ve got to go through the humiliation of getting my marks back. I can hear it now… “Ed, 54, well done. Hayley, 42, good. Emma, 45, very good. Robert, 35, could be better. Tess, 3…” I don’t want to really think about what’ll happen next!

Oh yes, and I’ve still got to go through the sheer hell of my oral exam, the worst of the lot. Help!

I’ve got my Geography exam tomorrow morning. I’m bound to have Ewan sat behind me or next to me, just to put me off. Ewan, that is, Ewan Floyd Swann, candle-wanking genius. Ha ha ha!!! That’s his full name, Ewan Floyd Swann! They’ve put all our full names up to show when our French oral exams are. Poor lad!

As for the candle bit, well, that’s to do with the piece of work he did in his Art exam this morning which I saw at lunch. It’s a massive painting of summit with 3 big candles sticking out of it. Emma said they’re meant to be on a piano (that’s what the paint bit was, I think) and she said he was getting funny looks off people as he was stood there moulding these candles into shape! The genius bit, well, he said so himself that he was a walking brain. Nah, he’s not that bad, I’m sure!


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