He’s not got very nice hands – 16th December 1998

[I’d love to hear your really rubbish reasons for going off someone. Please do share!]

Wednesday 16th Okay, I’ve calmed down a bit since last night. I’m not well. I’ve got a horrible cold and a sore throat and now I’m pissed off with myself (yet again) to go with it.

I’m pissed off because I had another perfectly good chance to speak to Ewan and I didn’t. You see, it was the Senior Citizens’ Party at school this afternoon and I was doing the drinks. The Music people were all doing their stuff next to where we were and that included Ewan. After he’d finished playing his first bit there was a mad rush for tea and coffee so he decided he’d help me, Georgia and Rach by being an extra tea lady.

We didn’t really say anything to each other but he was having conversations with everyone else except me. He did ask the general question of, “What are you 3 doing for Xmas?” but I was busy so I didn’t answer. He’s probably fed up of me now and probably thinks I’m really sad [swotty] and shy. I’m just always waiting for him to say summit first coz I can never think of anything to ask him.

I’m like that.  I can make conversation last for ages with my mates or people I don’t know very well but when it comes to people who I know know I like them, it’s totally different. Mind you, I can always use the fact that I had a sore throat as an excuse for not saying much. The other real reason for me not really saying much to him is that I’d probably say summit daft. Actually, he can hardly complain.

I was looking at Ewan too. He’s not got very nice hands. Ferny has. Ewan’s are really red and freckly with big veins in them. Okay, so it’s not his fault and I’m really just doing the same as what I was moaning about yesterday but still… In fact, he’s not all that nice at all really but I think that’s just coz I compare him to Ferny too much. [Ferny, the lad I briefly went off for the equally crap reason that he wore white socks.]

Hayley got a Xmas card for Ferny. I want one but I think he was probably forced into it by Lena who was probably forced into it by Hayley who gave him a card first anyway. He’s got nice writing and put his full name on for some reason. I s’pose there are quite a few Williams.

Oh yeah, that reminds me, Emma and I saw Ewan at break and he said, “Oh, I’ve got a Xmas card for you…” (looked at Emma) “…two” (looked at me as well) but he never gave me one today.

Emma told me that she and Hayley spoke to Ewan yesterday and she was just telling him in more detail about Paul Nutt (who told Emma he did still like me when she asked him) but I don’t know why really. Emma also told Ewan more about Joanne and how Nutter, sorry, Paul hadn’t decided whether he was going to go out with her or not. Ewan reckons that she’s too good for him. Great, so he probably fancies her now.

You know, I’d probably have spoken to Ewan by now if bloody Emma hadn’t have told him I liked him. She could’ve at least waited until I’d spoken to him once and it wouldn’t have been half as awkward as it is now.

We’ve only got 2 more days of school before the Xmas hols. That’s not good coz it means as soon as we get back we’ve got all our mock exams so I’m going to have to revise while I’m in Scotland. What a fun holiday I’m going to have.


Also, Ewan’ll probably go to a party or summit and will go with [snog] some girl so by the time we get back to school he’ll have forgotten I exist. I’m not even so sure I like him all that much now but no doubt I’d changed my mind again then find out he’s going out with someone. I don’t think he likes me anyway. Never mind.


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