He said that he liked me as a friend – 22nd & 23rd October 1998

Thursday 22nd I was in a really miserable mood this morning. I think I was tired after being on a high last night but I just felt really down.

Ed’s party doesn’t help. It’s going ahead on Saturday night and Ed only asked me coz Emma made him. That didn’t make me feel too good, I can tell you. Reuben Leigh (he left our primary school and I used to really like him) is going and Emma says Ewan is.

I know what I’m like though. I always get my hopes up but then get disappointed and Emma always throws herself at people who she likes so I probably won’t have any chance. Either that or they won’t be there. I don’t even know if I’m going yet.

Freda is having a sleepover tomorrow night. Hopefully that’ll be good but if I do go on Saturday I’ll probably be knackered!


Saturday 21st Freda’s sleepover went okay last night. Nothing really interesting happened but she got a photo of me when I was asleep. That’s not good.

I got about 2 hours sleep there and 2 hours when I got home so, as you can imagine, I’m pretty knackered. Some people didn’t sleep at all. I’ve only ever done that once on the way to Austria and I’ll not be staying awake all night again if I can help it.

Ewan’s bleached his hair. It’s gone really white. It’s not all over, just bits. I can’t decide if I like it or not.

I went in the Music rooms at lunch so Emma and I could write Jade and Ed’s birthday cards. We went in a practice room where Davis was singing and, until the door shut behind us, I didn’t realise it wasn’t Dougie on the kit, it was Ewan.

I couldn’t really run out again so I had to stay. I just about managed to stop myself from staring at him and his hair which I think is a good thing coz Emma said he was staring at me most of the time. I think she might have been exaggerating a bit there.

The subject of Ed’s party came up and someone asked if Gemma Crowther was going. Then Ewan announced that he knew she was coz she was going to the party with him. I think he was pleased coz he was sat there grinning and waving his arms about. I also caught him glancing at me, probably checking me reactions. I pretended I didn’t care but I do.

Lena and Emma went to ask Ferny what he thought of Hayley yesterday. Hayley was annoying Lena coz she’d been mithering for her to ask him all week. Lena didn’t want to do it coz she already knows that he thinks that Hayley’s loud and too forward. That’s good.

The bad part is that while they were there, Emma also asked Ferny what he thought of me. He said that he liked me as a friend. He probably thinks I made her ask him when in actual fact I’d rather she hadn’t. It’s just embarrassing when I see him and at least when I didn’t know what he thought, there was always hope that he liked me a lot.

Emma phoned me before to try and get me to go to Ed’s party but I was really tired and I was thinking of all the negative parts of going so I put myself off. Then Emma got Suzanna to go with her and I changed my mind before and decided I wanted to go but I was too late coz Emma had already gone and I’m not arriving on my own.

I’ve done it again, haven’t I? I’ve decided not to do summit and changed my mind at the last minute when it’s too late so now I’ll regret not going coz summit’s bound to happen while I’m not there. Ewan’s probably going to snog someone. Probably not Suzanna coz she’s with Jaffa. Possibly Emma if she gets pissed. Most likely to be Gemma C, I s’pose. We’ll see. Emma’s working all day tomorrow so I’ll have to find out later on in the day.


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