She wants him to dump her – 18th August 1998

Tuesday 18th I’ve just been watching a programme on BBC1 about drug rape. It’s awful and there’s not much the police can do about it. I’d hate to be raped. I have no idea what I’d do. Let’s just hope it never happens.

I saw Rach today. She’s as lively as ever. She and Emma are annoying each other at the moment. I think it’s my fault coz I’m really good friends with them both and I think it’s like competitive between them to be better mates with me that the other one. Emma even said today that Rach wasn’t annoying her as much while I was in Wick.

It’s more Rach than Emma really coz she knows I’m with Emma more often. She’s more obvious about it too. I think Emma’s aware of the fact that Rach is trying to push her way in but I’m not going to let her do that.

It’s awkward for me too though coz they both moan about each other to me and then I sometimes have a make a choice between the 2 of them. Like today, I could have either gone back to Rach’s house and got my mum to pick me up from there or I could’ve got the bus with Emma and got off at my stop while she carried on to town to meet Suzanna and friends. I ended up going with Emma as my mum would prefer not to have to come out to get me.

I wonder what’s happened to Emma now. She said she’d only be an hour or so meeting these lads that Suzanna knows and then she’d come home and phone me to tell me what happened. I ended up ringing her about 3-4 hours after I left her on the bus and she still wasn’t home.

I don’t trust her. She doesn’t even trust herself. I can just see her snogging one of these lads then regretting it if Freddie somehow found out. I mean, she wants him to dump her but she doesn’t want them to fall out coz he’s the link to our new male friends, you see. Then for the same reason she wouldn’t be very popular with me or Rachael or any of our other friends coz most of us like Freddie’s mates too. If they’re gonna split up, it’s best it’s a mutual thing so they are more likely to stay mates.

I think that’s all I have to say so…


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