I was shocked he’d even spoken to me without a gun to his head – 19th June 1998

Friday 19th Dad’s birthday

I’ve gone back into a state of confusion over this Ralph thing now. [FFS.] At first I knew he liked me, then I wasn’t sure, then I knew he didn’t like me and now I’m not sure again.

For most of today, I thought he still hated me coz he had plenty of opportunities to speak to me but didn’t. But then after school that changed. I was on my way to orchestra and Ralph was sat on his bike in his P.E. kit. If he hadn’t have said anything I was going to ask if he’d seen Emma, just to see how he’d react to me speaking to him.

Just as I was going to have to do the talking, he came out with, “Tess, are you doing anything tonight?” I was shocked he’d even spoken to me without a gun to his head, never mind what he’d just asked me! I just said no and he said, “Well, do you wanna do something like go into the village?” I said, “Yeah, okay.” Still in super shock, I started to walk off and then he said, “I’ll phone you later.” I couldn’t stop smiling.

I was happy all evening until me and Emma decided to phone Freddie. What Ralph said to me got brought up into the conversation. Emma didn’t believe me really coz she thought he hated me too and Freddie decided to look on the negative side. He started telling me how surprised he was coz every time he’s mentioned my name the week, Ralph’s come out with loads of things to slag me off. Or so Freddie says and I think I believe him actually.

I don’t understand. Freddie’s like Ralph’s best mate and he thinks that Ralph hates me now but surely he would have just ignored me again if he disliked me that much. I didn’t even have to say anything to him first for him to speak. See why I’m confused?

Now I’m starting to think I imagined it all but Cat Elliot heard the phone bit and Poppy Kaye heard it all, I think. I’ll check it was real with them on Monday.

It was just unexpected after a week of ignoring me. Maybe he was the one testing to see how I’d react. It’s just if he’s been slagging me off as much as Freddie reckons then why would he care?

Urgh, I dunno what to think now. I s’pose, as usual, I’ll have to wait and see what happens.

He hasn’t actually phoned me and it’s a bit late now. Freddie did try to do a 4-way call but he was out. I wonder if he’d have rung me if he was at home. Never mind.

Well, that’s been the highlight of my day really.


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