Monday 8th I’ve gone into a state of confusion again. I don’t know what I want to do but I think I’ve blown it now so I can’t change my mind.
You see, Ralph asked me out today. Well, he got Freddie to do it but I knew he was being serious. As I thought I would do if it came to this situation, I panicked and said no. I feel so snidey now coz now Ralph thinks that I don’t like him at all. But I do.
Oh God, he said after school, “You refused me again. How many more times?” Then he caught up with one [One? Who did I think I was?!] on the way home and started asking why I wouldn’t go out with him if Emma said I liked him. I could hardly tell him the reasons coz some are stupid and some are tight so I told him to go away and he cycled off to catch up with Ferny.
Mind you, I’d probably have regretted it whatever I’d have said. If I’d have said yes then there’d be all those reasons as well as it would be really awkward when we were together coz I haven’t been with [snogged] him yet.
But now I’ve said no, he’ll probably not speak to me anymore and he’ll start fancying someone else. I mean, if I did go out with him and it was really bad, I could always dump him but he’d end up hating me and I don’t want that. Actually, he probably hates me now. What am I like?
But then I started thinking that I’ve got to start somewhere so why not Ralph? I might never get another chance with a lad I actually like.
Bloody hell, Tess! Get yourself sorted!
Uh, I’ll have to see what happens I s’pose. Not much sleep for me tonight.