I wanna go and give him a hug now! – 22nd May 1998

Friday 22nd I’ve not really had a very good day. It’s an inset day so me, Emma, Ralph, Freddie and Ed all met at Emma’s house. They all got out beer and Ed brought some. I used my common sense and didn’t have any coz I wanted to keep control of what I was doing around Ralph coz I could have regretted it.

[I have conflicting thoughts about that now…

Thought 1: Very sensible. Maybe the supply of beer was in the hope that I’d drink some and lose my snogging inhibitions. Well done teen me for pre-empting that.

Thought 2: Oh bloody hell, I was such a square!]

He was actually annoying me quite a lot. In fact, they all were except Emma. So I ended up going home and staying there.

Emma rang me and I could hear Ralph in the background moaning at me to come back. I didn’t. She also told me later that he’d been moaning about me all day and why I wouldn’t go out with him.

This evening I decided I liked him again coz he’s sort of sweet but I still dunno if I want to go out with him coz I still like Ferny. I’ll see after the hols.

P.S. I’ve remembered some of the things Emma told me he said. He said I had a nice body and, when Freddie and Emma were snuggling up on the school field, he pretended to cry and said, “I could be cuddling Tess now.” I wanna go and give him a hug now!

He kept asking where I was and if I was coming back and he made Emma phone me and she said he was straining to hear my voice. [My horrible, Warrington voice.] It’s flattering having someone that depressed over you actually. It’s pathetic but sweet!

[I promise I wasn’t delighting too much in Ralph’s misery. I remember this episode much better than anything I learnt at school and I know my overriding feelings were guilt and worry along the lines of oh-my-god-I-want-snog-him-but-I’ll-do-it-wrong-and-he’ll-tell-everyone-and-I’ll-have-to-move-to-Australia.]

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