Thursday 21st Mum’s birthday
I have made such a mess of everything. I dunno what to do now. I’ve upset Ralph so much today and everyone thinks I’m dead snidey.
At break I was sat by T Block and Ralph came and sat next to me. I honestly didn’t realise and stood up to talk to Hayley. Emma said he looked really hurt. I sat back down again and he nudged me and moved closer so I stood up again.
I got told later by Emma, Lizzie and Jez (he also said I was mean but sensible) that Ralph really liked me and went on about me all day.
It all went really wrong tonight over the phone. We were on a 4-way call with me, Emma, Freddie and Ralph to sort out what was happening tomorrow. Ralph admitted he liked me then I started getting questioned on why I wouldn’t go out with him.
Ralph put the phone down for a bit and Freddie guessed that it was coz I was embarrassed and people would take the piss. That’s not the only reason though coz also it wouldn’t be fair on Ralph if I went out with him coz I still like Ferny. [I bet if Ferny had liked me then I’d be using fancying Ralph as an excuse. I just had a bad case of snogophobia.]
Freddie went and told Ralph that it was coz I was embarrassed. That was so unfair. He went really depressed and miserable and I just feel so tight now. Emma made matters worse by telling me to give a straight answer as to whether he has a chance or not. I honestly don’t know though and I couldn’t say so he thinks he doesn’t now.
Ralph said some really sweet things as well, like he’d do anything for me (well, Freddie said it and Ralph agreed) and that he’d gone to all the trouble of writing Ralph ♥ Tess for nothing on a pencil sharpening.
I feel so [treble underlined] guilty. He’s miserable, I’m miserable, it’s gonna be awful tomorrow coz Hayley’s gonna be miserable too about Lena going out with Dougie.
Ralph’s going to end up hating me and I don’t want that coz I really do like him.
[Oh God. I feel awful all over again! Poor lad. It’s like confessing that I kicked a puppy.]