Sunday 3rd I’m all, I dunno, confused – that’s the word I’m looking for. I’ve been pretty miserable today coz I can’t stop thinking about Ralph and William. [William = Will/Ferny. Why did I suddenly go all Pride & Prej and start calling him William?] I keep thinking what could have happened last night if I’d have let it. It’s too late now though coz I didn’t.
I’m hoping that Ralph doesn’t ask me out now because I’d probably say no coz I like William better but then later I might feel like I’ve missed my chance because I think it’s unlikely I’ll ever get together with William.
I’ve been feeling weird all day. Most of the time I’ve been all depressed and frustrated with myself but every so often I get that really nice chuffed feeling that someone actually likes me. Then I go all down again once I remember it’s not really the lad I want.
Even if I did ever get with Ferny (which I think is extremely unlikely) I would probably feel really tight on Ralph, knowing he liked me and all.
The only thing is, I don’t really want Ralph to stop liking me but I wouldn’t want him to feel awful. I felt snidey enough as it was when I was talking to William coz I know what a horrible feeling jealousy is.
I hate feeling like this. I was a lot happier before Friday when all this started. I supposed I’ll just have to take each day as it come and see what happened. Plus, on top of all this, I’ve got exams all week.
I’ll just have to cheer up. I don’t think I’m the only one feeling bad at the moment. I bet Hayley is and possibly Ralph. I’ve just gotta stay happy!
We went to Tatton Park today to this Pets Pets Pets thing. We only really went to see the terrier racing but there were no Scotties. It was all a bit disappointing really.