Here’s the order of fitness that I think they go in – 14th January 1998

Wednesday 14th WOAH! That assembly was so funny. It started off with Blind Date. There was Carly Jennings as Cilla Black, Schoey as the bloke who had to pick a girl and the girls were Gemma Crowther being a posh snob from Cambridge, Pamela Rhodes being a slapper from Essex and Grace Langley being a hardcore from Manchester. It was good but I really wanted the stripper lads to come on.

Mr P then came on and introduced The Full Monty by telling us about how stereotyping isn’t always correct and then he told is about the film and said that there were all different types of blokes in it, “a fat one, a thin one and a tall lanky one”. For the last description, everyone laughed coz we all thought of Ralph so he added “with red hair” then looked behind the curtain and said, “Ralph?!”

Finally it started and Hot Chocolate (I Believe In Miracles) came on and the five of ‘em started dancing. Dougie looked dead serious but the rest were enjoying it, I think. They stripped to their boxers which was further than we thought we’d go! [It seems strange even that was allowed!]

It surprised me how fit they all actually were. Here’s the order of fitness that I think they go in:-

1 – Dougie – Absolutely gorgeous! Shame about the dancing!

7 Dougie

2 – Ferny – Skinny but with a six-pack!

8 Will

3 – Ralph – Not bad. Bit of a six-pack but very white!

9 Ralph

4 – Freddie – Not quite as thin. Chubbier but tanned!

10 Freddie

5 – Graham – Couldn’t see him. Too small!

11 Graham

As we walked out of the Drama Studio they were all stood by the door. I said, “Very good” and Freddie and Dougie thanked me. I wanted to comment on their boxers but there were teachers about!

Throughout the day people kept yelling, “Oi, get your kit off!” to ‘em all. They’re never gonna hear the end of it!

In the Home Ec. Room at lunch, I was stood staring at a bag of flour coz I was knackered after running up and down the wing in hockey. They Ralph said, “You’re imagining me naked, aren’t you?!” I just said a sarky yes.

Dougie’s getting full of himself now coz everyone keeps telling him how fit he is. It doesn’t suit him being too big-headed. He even flashed me and Lizzie his boxers in Geography to show us that they were blue with white stars on. We know already. We were paying very careful attention in assembly!


[If you’re reading this and know me, PLEASE don’t tell these lads that I not only ranked them in order of fitness but also drew them. In detail. 

At least I drew them clothed.]

8 thoughts on “Here’s the order of fitness that I think they go in – 14th January 1998

  1. that drawing of dougie looks exactly like the man who used to loiter around my primary school gates watching us in the playground XD and how in the name of all that is holy were you allowed to put on the full monty in school??


    • Oh dear… I hope loitering isn’t what Dougie did/does in his spare time!

      And yes, it seems mad that no adults questioned the fact 5 teenage boys were stripping in a school assembly. I was pretty delighted with it at the time but it’s the sort of thing that would cause outrage in the Daily Mail nowadays!

      Liked by 1 person

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